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07 November 2011 @ 10:00 am
It has been a long time since I've written (in the context of how often I had been writing) and a lot has changed.
Namely, things are summarily back to normal between me and Brad and we are currently re-planning on moving in together (again). Sometime during this month supposedly. I'm not packing up until I get the most important thing moved in: my bed. When my bed is in, the rest of the stuff can follow. But since the middle of September, we've been back to living together - mostly at my house, sometimes at his. Things are going really well but now we're coming into the next hurdle of our relationship- the long distance. As time goes on, it's looking more and more like this mud engineer job is going to happen and now Sam is talking about bringing Brad out to Marietta sometime in December for a bit to get him some experience before he heads off to school for two months in January. I'm not sure about what his schedule will be - neither is he. Two weeks on, two weeks off? One week on, one week off? Who knows. I hope he's here for Christmas but I'm not holding my breath either. We will be spending Thanksgiving together- Thanksgiving Day at his house (I have to make a homemade pumpkin pie) and Thanksgiving at my family's on Saturday. And then the first week of December (if he's still in town) we're going down with his family to see the Carolina Panthers vs. Atlanta Falcons game. An official family trip, I must be in it pretty solidly now.

I'm feeling very confident in things despite what happened. We don't talk too much about his little crisis and my insecurity blip and I think we've also migrated past the honeymoon stage because we've also started having little spats over completely ridiculous things. I'm not sure if I'm annoyed by them or glad because of what they indicate- normalcy, stability and comfort with one another. And maybe that's an element of realism we never had before. But it's still aggravating.  Besides that, he's really come back to the sweet, loving and attentive person that I knew back before he flipped his lid.

While I am taking this with a grain of salt, one thing that really solidifies where Brad sees me in his life is the fact that he asked me to move with him if he gets posted somewhere out of state when he's finished with training. Move out of state with him? Move with him? He wants me to? It's just really been a roundabout turn in the past few months in terms of how solid and committed he is to this relationship and to being a boyfriend.

I'm not pushing things one way or another- I'm not pushing the move in date, I'm not pushing the 'where are we going to move' issue and he's really been responsive to that. We've been having dinners together every night (that I've been cooking), grocery shopping together, family dinners with his family and mine and watching football on Sundays together or, failing that, watching the games together from Sunday night or Monday night.

While I am really happy with him and our relationship, I'm not going to speculate on anything because we still have another three months to get through that's going to be a challenge. I'm dreading it because I'm (again) so used to seeing him every day and then I'm only going to see him on/off and then he'll be gone all together for two months and then it'll be back to the on/off situation. I hate it. Hate it. Already I hate it. It's dangerous. It's a great opportunity though, so I can't voice anything besides optimism for him.

And besides all that, he's been incredibly supportive of me. My car's broken down and he's helped me by loaning me his car and even at one point considering buying one for me - which luckily it didn't come to that. He helped me make it to Vegas to see my friends and has offered to help pay for groceries, paid for me whenever we go out- and just really stepped up on a lot of different levels to support me and show me his support in ways that I may not have thought to look at.

And while everything with Brad is really starting to take off, I'm still struggling financially. My car breaking down has put me in a compromising situation where I have to essentially hand the car back to the bank, take a hit on my credit and deal with the pursuit of the bank trying to get payment back on the loan. How am I ever going to repair my credit now? And my friend's wedding is coming up this weekend which is a whole other debacle because Brad has to be in Pittsburgh as well but for different reasons and on different days and quite honestly the car I have now I'm not even sure if it'll make it on a roundtrip to Pennsylvania. Things are definitely going to ease up financially once December hits and I've cut my expenses by not having a car payment and living with Brad but the next week and a half is really going to be tight.

Ah...life. When one area really starts shaping up well, others start disintegrating.  The good news here is that it's the holiday season now- it's so hard to be in a bummer mood when it's Thanksgiving/Christmas :)